When I was growing up, I often felt a quiet sense of confusion, a feeling that I didn’t quite fit in, even though I was surrounded by love.
I was adopted as a baby in the early 1950s, a time when having a child outside of marriage was seen as shameful. My birth mother, like so many women of her time, didn’t have a choice. She did what she thought was best, even though it meant giving me up for adoption.
I was incredibly fortunate to be adopted by two wonderful human beings who gave me love, stability, and the best start in life. I always knew I was adopted, and I felt special because of it. But underneath that feeling of being “chosen”, there was also a deep confusion, a sense that something was missing, though I couldn’t put it into words.
Looking back now, I can see that was the beginning of a lifelong search.
A search for me.
Searching for Belonging
Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I tried to make sense of this quiet ache inside me. I had everything a child could need, yet I often felt slightly apart from everyone else, as if I were looking at life through a window rather than being part of it.
I remember wondering who I looked like, whose eyes I had, and where I came from. I think many adopted children feel this pull, even when they are surrounded by love. There is a natural curiosity to understand our roots, our origins, and the invisible threads that connect us.
But the search for belonging isn’t limited to those of us who are adopted. Over the years, I’ve spoken to many people who have never felt fully at home in themselves. They might have grown up in loving families, had good friends, and achieved success, yet deep down there is a quiet sense of disconnection.
It can sound like:
- “I don’t feel like I fit anywhere.”
- “Everyone else seems to have it figured out.”
- “If people really knew me, they might not like me.”
These are the quiet thoughts that many of us carry. They can shape our choices, our relationships, and even the way we see ourselves.
The Inner Child’s Cry
When I began my own healing journey, I discovered that the ache of not belonging wasn’t about my external circumstances. It was the voice of my inner child.
That part of me that had felt unseen or unsure needed my love and attention. She wasn’t asking for perfection; she was asking to be held, heard, and understood.
Many of us have an inner child who still longs for reassurance. Perhaps you remember moments in your own life when you felt left out or not good enough. Those experiences can quietly take root and shape the way we respond to the world as adults.
We might become high achievers, constantly striving to prove our worth. We might become people-pleasers, putting everyone else’s needs before our own in the hope of being accepted. Or we might withdraw, keeping our true selves hidden because it feels safer that way.
But the truth is, those coping patterns are simply the inner child’s way of seeking safety. Once we start to listen with compassion rather than criticism, healing begins to unfold.
The Moment Things Started to Change
There wasn’t one dramatic turning point for me, but rather a gradual unfolding. As I began working with therapeutic tools such as counselling, hypnotherapy and tapping, I noticed a softening.
Tapping, in particular, became a gentle way to connect with that younger part of myself. It allowed me to release the layers of shame and sadness that I hadn’t even realised I was carrying. Each session felt like peeling back another layer of self-protection, making space for truth and tenderness.
I began to realise that my story wasn’t one of abandonment, but of love expressed in complex ways. My birth mother’s decision, my adoptive parents’ care, and my own path of healing were all woven into a larger tapestry that led me back to myself.
Through this process, I discovered something profound: the feeling of not being enough is not a life sentence. It is an invitation to meet ourselves more deeply.
Reframing “Not Enough”
If you’ve ever felt that you are not good enough, I invite you to pause and ask: according to whom?
Often, the standards we hold ourselves to were never ours in the first place. They were inherited from family stories, societal messages, or old beliefs about what makes someone worthy.
When we begin to question those narratives, we make room for a gentler truth. You are not broken or lacking; you are simply human, navigating a world that doesn’t always know how to hold tenderness.
The feeling of not belonging can actually be a sign that you are awakening to your individuality. It can be the first step toward rediscovering who you truly are beneath the layers of conditioning.
Coming Home to Yourself
Healing, for me, has been less about finding answers and more about coming home. It’s about remembering that belonging isn’t something we earn from others. It’s something we cultivate within.
When you begin to build a loving relationship with yourself, everything else starts to shift. You may find it easier to set boundaries, to express your needs, or to rest without guilt. You begin to trust your own voice rather than seeking constant approval.
Self-love becomes the solid ground you stand on. From there, you can meet the world with curiosity and compassion rather than fear.
I often guide clients through this same process. Together, we explore the stories that shaped them, identify the parts that still carry pain, and use tapping and other techniques to release old emotional energy.
The transformations I’ve witnessed are beautiful. People who once felt small or unseen begin to shine again. They rediscover joy, creativity, and confidence. Most importantly, they start to feel at home in their own skin.
The Role of Compassion and Curiosity
One of the most powerful shifts in healing is moving from judgment to curiosity. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, we can begin to ask “What happened to me?”
Curiosity softens the edges of shame. It opens a door to understanding rather than blame.
When we meet ourselves with compassion, we no longer need to fight or fix. We simply allow what is present to be seen and loved. This is the true essence of healing.
Through compassion, we create the safety that our inner child always needed. And in that safety, old pain can finally be released.
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness has also played a huge role in my journey. Not just forgiving others, but forgiving myself.
There were times when I felt angry with my birth mother, or confused about why things had happened the way they did. But as I grew older, I began to see the humanity behind those decisions.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we condone what happened; it means we set ourselves free from carrying it. It’s an act of self-liberation.
Through tapping and inner work, I learned to release the old stories of rejection and replace them with a deeper understanding of love.
Tools for the Journey
Everyone’s path of healing looks different, but I’ve found that integrating several therapeutic approaches can be especially powerful.
- Counselling offers a safe space to explore feelings and gain perspective.
- Hypnotherapy helps to reprogram old subconscious beliefs that keep us stuck.
- Tapping (EFT) calms the nervous system and gently releases emotional charge from the body.
When used together, these tools support healing on every level: mind, body, and spirit. Over time, they help us re-establish trust within ourselves and reconnect with the truth that we are enough.
You Have Always Belonged
If you take one thing from my story, let it be this: you have always belonged. Even when you felt separate. Even when you doubted your worth. Even when you tried to become someone else just to be accepted.
The sense of belonging you seek is already within you. It lives in the quiet moments when you are kind to yourself. It shows up when you allow your heart to soften, when you speak gently to yourself after a mistake, when you honour your needs instead of ignoring them.
Every time you choose love over fear, you are coming home.
An Invitation
Perhaps, like me, you have spent much of your life searching for that feeling of “enoughness”. If so, I invite you to take a deep breath right now. Place a hand over your heart and remind yourself that you are safe, loved, and worthy.
You do not need to earn belonging. You only need to remember it.
This journey of self-discovery is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to the person you have always been beneath the conditioning, the expectations, and the old fears.
That is the heart of healing.
And if you would like support as you walk this path, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Healing happens more easily in connection. Whether through tapping, counselling, or compassionate conversation, there are gentle ways to reconnect with yourself and rediscover your wholeness.
Because the truth is, you have always been enough. You have always belonged. Exactly as you are.
Your Next Step: The Tapping Tribe
If this story speaks to you, and you’re ready to begin your own journey of self-discovery, I’d love to invite you to join The Tapping Tribe – a warm, supportive community where we use tapping, compassion, and curiosity to heal old stories and rediscover our sense of belonging.
Inside the Tribe, you’ll find:
💛 Guided tapping sessions to calm your nervous system and nurture self-love
💛 A safe, understanding space to share your journey
💛 Practical tools to help you feel grounded, confident, and at home in yourself
You don’t have to walk this path alone. The first step is simply showing up for yourself.